All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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