When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
