I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Randomize