I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
