Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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