I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
