Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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