She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
