Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
