I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
