My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
