my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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