It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
