Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
vagina is talking i cant
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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