Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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