I wish I could punch you in the face.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Randomize
