$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
