His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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