Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
