how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
