i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
