just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
