Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
