Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
