i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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