How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Randomize
