Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
