ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize