Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Enjoy the penises
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize