are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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