where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
