Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
time to smoke my breakfast
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
