Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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