Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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