You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
