I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize