so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Randomize
