ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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