Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize
