The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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