we have officially mastered the walk of shame
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
