So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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