that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
