Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Randomize
