Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
