I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
