Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
