I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
