There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
