My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
He shit in the fireplace
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
