he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
