i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
did i just pee glitter
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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