five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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