some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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