Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
