i permit you to call me
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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