I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
