anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
