FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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