I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
