Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
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