yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
