fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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