Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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