Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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