No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
