Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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