Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
