i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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