I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Randomize