WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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