u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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