no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
