I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
