Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
