just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
