I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
So here I am, sexting at work.
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