Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Less talking, more tequila
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
