it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
