just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
