He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
