So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
