She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
