idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
