So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
