I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I'm way too hungover for life right now
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
