he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
