oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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