Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
We had sex on a dog bed..
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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