So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Randomize
