I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
