I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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